How to overcome being INSULTED constantly

There are many of us who react to any form of confrontation with indignation. The moment when someone tells us something that doesn’t suit us, doesn’t do what we ask them to do, or doesn’t like one of our ideas. Our expectations are simply being let down.

Instead of confronting verbally, by communicating and clearing the field by talking about what is wrong, about the emotions that arise and how it all hurts or offends us, we withdraw and put on the armor of resentment.

„She turend her nose up“, „She got angry, she got offended“… you probably know other terms that represent that. Sometimes, it happens that people are not even aware of our offense and do not react, and we expect their apology. Or we are so offended that we don’t even allow the topic to be discussed, but stay frozen in it.

Being offended is a normal reaction!

Being offended is a completely normal human reaction to show sensitivity and vulnerability. Especially in love relationships.

Insults are ubiquitous. They are the most common cause of interpersonal problems – in couples, in the family and among friends.

What exactly is happening often remains difficult to understand. They talk about “destructive energies”, about “complex emotions”, about attacks on honor, dignity and value.

The needs that have been betrayed are most often of a narcissistic nature, which, when fulfilled, strengthen our self-confidence and self-esteem.

For example, to be heard, to be seen, to receive an answer, to be acknowledged. These are the things we need to feel comfortable in contact with another person. An,on the other hand, the insult shows that something in me has been touched that hurts a lot.

An insult is always a mixture of different emotional states: helplessness, resentment, sadness.

Fear, pain and shame hide behind the insult

Figuratively speaking, sometimes we have a very simple expectation from life, namely that everything goes smoothly, just as I imagine. And then I start to live and realize: it’s not like that.

It is possible to learn how to process resentment!

However, it becomes critical when one learns that things never go as expected and that one is never able to handle all challenges. When someone gets stuck in what is called “primitive narcissism,” the perception that if everything is not good, then everything must be bad.

We can survive as humans only if we have a certain resistance to small insults that we acquire by having a strong inner self within us.

People acquire this strong inner self as children, growing up. If there are people around who make the child feel: you are welcome in this world, if you make a mistake it’s ok, we like you the way you are. Such a child will not react so sensitively on the social level when he experiences small insults.

Many insults happen unintentionally

 

Insults are not only the problem of those who are offended. Perhaps it is important to realize that our expectations of life can be exaggerated? That we just have to learn to tolerate when they don’t come true? Should we then expect that the people or circumstances that one finds offensive can also change?

“In principle, we cannot offend another person because we do not know where their pain points are.” Every insult starts from a sore point, from an injury to self-esteem that may have been over a long time ago. As a rule, people are offended by us, even though we don’t even notice it,” says psychologist Barbel Wardecki

Sometimes contact with someone is broken and it could be that they feel offended by something, and we have no idea. This means that if someone feels offended by us, then sometimes it is not our fault at all, but the way the other person treats it.

Insults are also difficult to avoid because each party assumes that they are behaving in a good way.

Only in rare cases is there an intentional violation, as a rule there is no intent. If it is about insults, then the reason for the conversation must come from those who are offended.

“You should know what you’ve done”

Offended people often do not talk about what offended them, but expect the other person to KNOW what they did wrong.

For the quality of relationships and a harmonious life, it is much easier to say to another person: I was hurt by your behavior, your words… I feel…. And, what is your position on that? What do you think about that?

What one person does, psychologists of emotion say, is usually not the cause of what another person feels. But it’s usually a trigger for a feeling. The feeling another person experiences can be very different. And – apart from fear when meeting wild animals and joy when seeing loved ones – it depends on how the experienced action is evaluated and interpreted. And who attributes what meaning to it.

The same action may offend someone – but not all of us.

Conclusion

Make your life easier and improve your relationships. A good partnership does not exist by itself. It takes work, tolerance and communication.

When it comes to dealing with insults, we have a lot of options:

Check if the other person is aware that they have offended us.

To reconsider what essentially (emotionally) hurts us.

Reach a common solution and avoid abusive behavior.

Provide support to a person who feels offended.

Do not emphasize behavior or speech that seems offensive.

The OAZA Holistic Counseling Center deals with providing support in uncovering the subconscious programs that guide our lives and often lead us to shut down and run away from life. Also the creation of new patterns that lead to resilience and stability.

Get in touch and schedule an introductory conversation.