Suffering – the path to illness and/or the path to the achievement of great deeds
When I got married, I didn’t tell my mother how difficult it was for me in marriage, what problems I had, what I was experiencing. She once told me: “You know, daughter, something has to be endured, and that was it,” my mother told me.
And she never complained. And she never knew if she had the support to choose paths that were for her own good, or only those for the good of the community she entered. Individuality ends there.
All that anger and sadness that accompanied me because she didn’t teach me then, as a child and a young woman, to defend and protect myself but to put the needs of others before my own, suddenly lost its purpose. That resistance to what she represents with her existence and actions has lost its meaning.
I see my mother for the first time as a being who only did what was required of her existence in Serbian patriarchal society, because THAT’S HOW IT SHOULD BE. SOMETHING HAS TO BE SUFFERED!
ONLY NOBODY SAID HOW MUCH THAT SOMETHING WAS!!!

What is tolerable and acceptable for me, can be a really big burden for someone else. It depends on our psycho-physical structure and experiences.
Giving blanket advice is counterproductive and can be dangerous. That is why a unique approach to each person is the basis of my work.
Conscious and unconscious suffering
Suffering is a matter of decision.
If I decide that something has a greater value for me and is important to me, the steps I take, the decisions I make, the burden I will bear – have significance for reaching that greater value.
All other sufferings are a path to illness.
What is the cause of this?
We are not aware of them, nor the consequences they bring.
We don’t see their point.
They are not important to us.
We wrongly prioritize them because we don’t know our needs and wants.
Sometimes we are not even aware that we are suffering unnecessarily. We know, that’s life. We have to go further. In that state of great exhaustion where the reward is absent, or is not adequate to the expected one, we can feel abused.
But, in the end, it is an abuse of ourselves. Because there are few situations, thank God, where suffering is an undeniable command of others*.
*Viktor Frankl wrote in his book, Why You Didn’t Kill Yourself, about the personal experience of suffering that could not be resisted, being in a concentration camp, as well as survival motives that go beyond the logic of the mind.
When you pull yourself together and see that you’ve been suffering unnecessarily, for too long; that the Expected Greater Value was absent, long ago surpassed or unattainable; that in fact you don’t know what you really want and what makes you happy – revise your goals. Set new priorities.
Use the experiences of well-minded people
It is important in that period to have people around you who are well-minded and who, with their experience, will help us to position ourselves with our feelings and experiences in exchange with them.
This does not mean that we will console ourselves with the fact that our suffering is less than that of my friend and push on.
Or decide to stop moving towards a goal just because someone told us it was too much or unnecessary and that the goal isn’t that important.
Probably not for them, but maybe for you?
And maybe you don’t perceive yourself as being in a lot of trouble because you are doing it with a pure heart, confident in yourself and your desire, motivated by a great sense of purpose.
Therefore, clear attribution is important for everyone.
You will agree that it is expedient that for the sake of finishing studies and taking that one final exam, we give up travel and going out, sit all day in the house/reading room, spend those few weeks in complete isolation so that we can finally put an end to studies.
To sweat again and again, sometimes with painful muscle inflammation, trying to do all the exercises from the program and reach my desired weight.
Or to accept an additional 6 months stay in the house with extremely modest conditions because the process of building our home is longer than planned and any haste would only jeopardize the quality of the final part.
Reevaluate and redefine your suffering
If you are suffering and struggling, reconsider your motives.
Ask your self: Is the value for which I bear this burden something that will bring me joy, relief, satisfaction?
Am I doing this for myself or for the sake of the environment: partner, family, society?
Do they really benefit from it or is it just my imagination?
Do I enjoy being the sufferer?
Am I proud of it?
Has it become the purpose of my life?
Is there another way to achieve what I want and get out of the state of suffering?
You will always find examples that say that suffering is bad, but if we know its duration, at least we have an inkling, we are aware of its importance for us, the value we will get, then it is meaningful, a driver for achieving great things.
Oaza Holistic is a place that allows you to re-examine your motives, examine all your desires and needs, your own and adopted, and helps you set new goals, not necessarily through great suffer.
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