Marriage story

Film: Marriage story, USA 2019.

My husband and I have a regular ritual of watching movies, analyzing the content and connecting with our own lives. He deals with aesthetics – photography, music, narrative construction, because that is part of his profession, while I go into psychological analysis and the essence of the statement. Our film therapy became a part of life, although I didn’t know this concept had a name. Later, at the school for holistic health advisor of Rüdiger Dahlke, I was introduced to the “Hollywood Therapy” method.

Thus, intuitively, we developed a practice: we watch the film, analyze it, talk about what touched us and observe the story from the perspective of the characters, but also from our own experiences. It became our way to get to know ourselves, discover attitudes and become aware of the “grey zone” – those places in us that are not yet fully known.

“Marriage Story” was a movie we avoided for a long time. Last night, finally, it was his turn. The film depicts the life of a young married couple from New York – two talented artists, parents and partners, whose relationship is perfect at first glance. However, the story of their separation slowly reveals that perfection often hides cracks.

The film parallels the present moment and brief flashbacks to the past, showing how small, unspoken things – misunderstandings, repressed emotions, fear of conflict – led to the collapse of a relationship. At first, it is not clear why the separation occurs, but as the story develops, it becomes apparent that the unresolved issues have become like an avalanche that destroys everything in front of it.

There are no drastic scenes of violence or heavy dramas, the so-called most common causes of couples breaking up, and yet the obstacles seem insurmountable and inevitable for parting.

As you watch, the film draws you in emotionally and you become part of the story.

Emotions and introspection with “The Story of Marriage”

My husband was especially moved because it reminded him of his own breakup experience 20 years ago. I saw his sadness and unrest. There seemed to be some weight in the air that was not easy to bear. Even though I knew about his life story, this film and the energy it carried seemed to raise the dust again from a long-forgotten act.

It was kind of obvious to me, as an observer, to see how things have changed with the years that have passed and the experiences we’ve all had. His ex-wife is part of our circle of people, the difficult and unspeakable may not be completely resolved, but it is in a form that is functional, high-quality and for the benefit of all participants in the relationship (the son).

The film made me think about my past relationships and how often I felt like the loneliest being on the planet, with dreams and hopes dashed, with the idea that I would never truly love again. And life proves exactly the opposite!

While we were burning with the heroes of the film and ‘wanting’ things to be resolved well, we witnessed the deepening of the drama. The film clearly showed us how the lack of communication about real feelings – the core, under the surface problems – creates a gap.

Instead of an honest conversation, people often choose an egoistic struggle, retreat, expecting their needs to be recognized, or neglecting their partner’s needs, diminishing their importance because they are less important in relation to the big plan and genius of the other partner.

Often, in desperation and helplessness, not listening, words are spoken that act like a river of no return. From the need to “punish” the partner, or project one’s own insecurities, which further deepens the gap. Outside influences – friends, family, and even lawyers – can further complicate the situation.

However, the end of this film brings a message of hope. The sentence of Scarlett Johansson in the role of Nicole: “Everything is good in the end” gives a dose of comfort and reminds us that life stories can have a positive outcome, even after difficult moments and an ending that does not seem like a happy ending.

Lessons from “Marriage Story”

After we finished watching, we talked for a long time. My husband reminisced, while I thought about how important it is to approach relationships openly, with honest conversation and understanding.

The film is an ideal opportunity to reevaluate your own relationships. Are you ready to talk openly about hot topics? Or do you still choose to remain silent?

If you have already developed trusting and honest communication, congratulations. If you haven’t, maybe “Marriage Story” is the right impetus for change. Watch this film and discover what will touch you, what topic will open up for you and what parts of yourself you will get to know.