Resistance to change

„Why don’t you change for once“

Why don’t we all jump into the river of change when it promises so much!?

If you are at some age forty+… and you hear someone say that everything is in your head, that everyone is the maker of their own happiness, that solutions always exist, everything can be solved and everyone can have a happy life – you may feel anger and disappointment.

As it were, you wasted your whole life and you could have been happy. You just didn’t.

Now, when you are that age and your whole life has been wrong, it means that you are also wrong. And what and how to change now.

There is resistance. Resistance can also be shown in the fear of leaving the familiar. Like, when you lose that label of yours (when you discard it in the process of working on yourself): a caring mother, a gentle father, a faithful husband, a devoted wife, a good worker, a friend, a victim of a bad husband, mother-in-law, society.

As you leave old frameworks, that old program is uninstalled.

And what are you then?

That feeling of nothingness, worthlessness, DISINTEGRATION, is so great and terrible that everything old, no matter how weird, is easier and more tolerable.

When you declare yourself through something, for example like me: beloved sister, daughter, caring granddaughter, supportive wife, super nurse, good friend, hard-working, successful, loyal, ready, and when external confirmation of those values ​​is no longer there due to some decisions and changes – such hopelessness sets in, that you don’t know if you exist at all.

That’s why many of us continue with the old, familiar one.

Knowing those who have succeeded gives hope

And, has anyone ever told you how much courage it takes to accept that you are nothing?

And how many of them have really shed all those old labels, gone down into their own personal hell, cleared the clutter, and gone back to building new selves all over again?

I’ll tell you.

A little. Very little.

Because it hurts, because it’s hard. It threatens to undo you. Turn to dust and ashes.

Myth says, the Phoenix rose from the ashes. And there are those who have succeeded. Let that be your guiding star. And every attempt pays off, every little bit of progress is a great success. And if you don’t manage to become a new, better version of yourself in the planned or expected time frame, no big deal. You are not wrong or cowards. The moment just didn’t happen. It will be. Believe that you can.

When we are young, we know and feel that there is a lot ahead of us. Changes in all levels of existence: partner, family, residential, business, physical.

With the formation of some solid frameworks of living, rigidity appears. The need to survive and keep the head above water makes us become rigid in that position. That we have less and less flexibility because that’s the way we try to control the story so that “the car doesn’t go downhill”.

Then changes are exactly what we are fighting against. Even when we feel they are necessary.

There is resistance.

And I often hear: “What is he/she talking about!” It’s easy for him/her, she doesn’t have xyz, or, she has xyz…”

You are right.

And you didn’t.

I am telling you this from personal experience.
Because I was also in that place and sometimes I catch myself with the same thoughts again.

All that glitters is not gold…

We look from our position and all we see is our effort, torture, effort, strain.

And then we see brilliance in others, everything works and everyone knows what they are talking about.

Or we think they are in the same soup like us, it is easier for us to accept.

First: all that glitters is not gold. Everyone is confronted with problems, lack of understanding, solutions. They fight their own demons but don’t show them on the outside. And your therapists, doctors, coaches, counselors too.

Second: behind those who have made progress and freed themselves permanently from some burdens and managed to reach what makes them happy and satisfied, there is really a lot of work, a lot of effort, falling and climbing. Sometimes great suffering until dawn.

About fifteen and a half years ago, one of my friends, Maja, showed me the reverse side of the medal, over a few cocktails and coffee somewhere in Belgrad. And that remained forever in my mind. I often thought of her and her challenges in the years to come. And it helped me to get through them knowing that the road is often thorny even though on the outside everyone sees only glamour.

Maki, thank you for that!

Surely you have similar examples in your environment. Or you yourself are one of them. Share your experiences with others. Encourage people, empower them. Give support and love. Give understanding for both, change and staying in old stories.
Because, no one stays where they are because they don’t want good for themselves, but because they don’t know how, or don’t dare to reach for something better. And that is a human trait.