Each of us wants to feel and be loved unconditionally.
The way we were in childhood.
Really?!
When were we unconditionally loved?
And what does each of us mean by that?
Without -conditions
That was in that first period when we were completely dependent on our parents – guardians. Until we started getting to know ourselves and the world around us and became curious. Until we started to show our own will and needs. Until conditioning and taming started. Until they explained to us what we can and are allowed to do and when we are good, and what we are not allowed to do, and when we are bad and mom and dad don’t love us then.
Not everyone’s childhood is the same and not everyone has gone through similar experiences, and yet here and there that immature childish image of some kind of unconditional love that we expect from our partners stretches out.
What we really want is a love that we’ve probably never felt.
That the whole world revolves around us. That everyone around us meets our needs.
Because that is the childish essence of love.
And that is certainly the feeling we should have received at birth: that we are the most important, that the world revolves around us and that all our needs will be met. Without any counter services.
.
Later, with growing up, came those lyrical depiction from romanticism about how to love a woman or how to love a man.
A mass of idealization that only drives us into even greater dramas and imperfections.
On what basis can we think that someone can know what we feel, what we need? What bothers us or makes us happy, if we don’t say it?
Few people are able to read someone’s mind. And even if he does, he shrinks again in front of the possibility that he might not have interpreted that “read” correctly.
To be completely honest, I was in a similar trap.
Many of us were trapped
As a fan of good literature and a connoisseur of life more from novels than from reality, I have wasted many decades waiting for that perfect partner who will love me in that one unconditional way and with the idea that I don’t have to say anything. He HAS to KNOW what I need, because for God’s sake, he is PERFECT for me. And there must not be any disagreements because then we are not really soul mates.
In order not to waste time on some idealizations that have no place in real life, it is necessary to face reality and look realistically at our parents, partners, and friends. To see them as beings like us and that they have no capacity to be more than they are. Neither do we.
To start speaking, say what bothers us, what hurts us, what we want, when we are hurt and to develop a culture of dialogue and even a culture of fighting that does not end with throwing dishes or slamming doors and being ignored for a month.
What is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is love that remains even when all the faults and virtues of us and those we love are looked at.
We may disagree with the behavior of others. We can refuse to be part of that energy circle, but fundamentally, at the level of being, we understand and love that individual.
We can part ways but the love remains. As my dear friend and teacher Branko once said, “Once you love, you always love, Lilly.”
That’s what I expect from my partner.
To see me. To understand me. Or to try to understand.
Willingness to talk about things that don’t fit. And to turn them into points of mutual growth.
Communication = survival and enjoyment
Is our progress a condition or a consequence of communication?
Or are they inseparable from each other?
Without communication there is no life.
At least not a meaningful, high-quality one.
Think about it!
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